antagonise
hello stranger. have we met before? you look awfully familiar.
ah yes. you were a fragment of my former life. now i remember. but that was a life i left behind long ago.
why? i don't know. things change. so do people. they say that change is the only constant in life you know.
yeah. but i'm not the only one. you've changed too. have i told you i don't know you at all lately? you're no longer who i thought you were. your little flings with guys you meet; your flirtatious attitude; perhaps as we grow, so does our desperate carnal nature (or maybe just yours).
oh come on now. you can't say that. i haven't really changed much. i was always like that. perhaps your just didn't see. have i become any more vicious, cold or diabolic? i don't think i've become more malicious.
well, you see. certain people have forced my hand in this. you wouldn't honestly believe i'd deliberately want to hurt anyone, would you? i mean, what do i stand to gain from it?
oh, you ask about your friends? well i don't know if i can let them off. they've been awfully annoying lately, just like you. i honestly had no intention of having anything to do with them, but you dragged them into it, didn't you? didn't you? you dragged them into your little grand alliance trying to topple me. you knew way before this that i could easily crush your attempt to seize power, yet you still tried to do so. i do applaud the audacity, but i think i've had enough fun with your pitiful attempts to oppose me and stand up to me.
but what? i don't deny i'm just another cruel dictator; another possessed maniac trying to create his version of utopia, but you know, mine's so much simpler. it's just a world without you.
come on. don't cry. face reality. and it's about time.
oh surely you knew that actions have consequences?
no my dear, it's too late for that. forgiveness isn't bought just before...
...your execution of course.
yes. you're going to be silenced (so i never have to hear that sickening voice of yours again. i've always cringed whenever you uttered an audible syllable.)
why the surprise? wasn't death what you courted from the moment you dared oppose me?
it's time. take her to the gallows.
yes, i know. i'll see you in hell too.
8:46 PM
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Saturday, January 27, 2007
let's go watch a gay movie
the school week is over, which means that someone i've survived without killing anyone. i'm so proud of myself.
hmmm, met chet and eugene to pool yday. i think i've past the time in my life where buying gifts for people matters. i guess i'd rather give of my time than my money. not that i'm saving money or very poor, but it's more because i think my time and presence would mean more to people that i care about. i think about my own birthdays, and i remember how i spent them - with people doing various things, and not the gifts i get.
left at 7 to meet carol for dinner at plaza sing. and i thought girls would have a greater sense of time. haha. oh well... it's quite frustrating, yet amusing, to know that i'm being read so easily. so much for being a closed book. and it's just been one week. hmmm.
met joel, paul and anna at ben and jerry's. tim, joseph, bryan, nic came later. the sc girls came only after we got the tickets. i think we've made our mark at the cathay alr.
"can we get 12 tickets for pan's labyrinth? -me
"sure, choose from the available seats." -counter lady highlights a whole row of seats 3 from the front.
"huh. that's so far front. what're the red seats?" -me
"oh, couple seats." -lady
"YES YES COUPLE SEATS!" -joel
"oh no! you again!" -lady
joel and paul previously went to check out the seats and were leaning on each other and asking about the couple seats so the lady thought they were gay. HAHAHAHAHA.
"yeah, let's get all the couple seats." -joel
"rows a,b,c seats 1, 2, and 15, 16. is that okay?" -lady
"okay." -me
"wait, what about the four red seats right at the back?" -joel
"oh yeah, we have four girls, they can seat there." -me
the counter lady gives us the weird look like we're all homo and the four girls are les.
"where are the char bors ah?" -bryan
"no idea." -joseph
"let's just get the seats." -me
"total: $108." -lady
we cause a big mess paying. heh.
"enjoy your movie!" -lady
"oh we will." -joel and i wink and walk away.
and everyone laughs. oh the insanity.
and while waiting for the movie to start, tim, bryan and i went to log on to the weird computer terminals and scrolled through what people used google to search for. haha. we ended up reading part of the long telegram there. then we decided to type in "ac rocks" and several blogs appeared. we ended up tagging as taggers who googled "ac rocks" from the cathay. haha. and bryan signed off with xoxo on a girl's blog. -.-
the movie was pretty good. i fell asleep till lynette msged and asked how the movie was. i fell asleep so that's saying something. then she was demanding i stay awake cos mr sam ng said it was good. the symbolism and motifs were pretty well developed, but the plot was pretty dull and slow movie. it was like a dark, morbid fairy tale. oh well...
off to do lit now. then read SEA history. i no longer have sundays to do my work.
2:12 PM
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Monday, January 15, 2007
surrender
honestly, i don't ever recall a struggle with God like this. most issues of surrender having been that painful. the most i ever felt was a slight tinge of heartache and a week full of pondering upon the "what-ifs" that constantly plague my life. but really, there was never been a moment a struggled so badly.
i'm torn between cf and xcountry / track. i know He's called me for something great in ac, and i don't doubt that He can use me no matter where i am. yet, with time passing and through different times of sharing with people, the calling to give up xcountry and track and to join cf (and as a comm member later in the year) has become more obvious. it's changed from "i shall join cross" to "i shall join cross and cf" to "i think i need to commit my all to cf, leaving me no time for cross", and the latter option is something that i'm struggling with. for one, it's something i like doing, and the people i know there. and i am definitely not for the idea of giving up halfway. years of training should not be laid to waste just like that, should they?
and when you make sacrifices, it's painful enough. what could be worse? being misunderstood. i'm not joining cos i'm scared of competition; cos they're better than me; cos my injury got the better of me. on a personal level, those words come from people who, though claiming to be supportive friends, want me out of running for their own reasons. and really, i don't think there's any other reason than God. nothing else would and could cause me to make that decision. so the next time you want to say something about it, think twice (more if you need to) and don't.
as if the whole decision making process was not hard enough, there are the additional pressures that one feels when stepping into a seasonal calling. and contrary to popular belief, i would rather shy from the spotlight than be in it. but that's not the case now. and when things are public you feel the scrutiny and weight on your shoulders because you know you have to step up and meet those expectations. it's not that i seek to please man, but at times, impressions must be maintained. it's the same reason why we dress well for church. it's not to make an impression on others, but if a newcomer's around, it does make a good impression.
i don't think i've ever felt this...burdened before. but i'll hold on to what kf said. the breaking and moulding period is the storm before revival.
take it all ;
5:46 PM
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
getting to know you
1. Does anyone know your password to your email? nope.
2. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonalds? mcwings.
3. Are you an emotional person? i border emotional and rational i guess.
4. Do you like your name? yeah.
5. Do you believe in love at first sight? no.
6. Ever felt jealous of your friend? when i was younger.
7. What was the last thing you did? eat cookies.
8. Who is right next to you? no one.
9. Who was the last person/people you ate with? mich leong, lunch. i woke up at 8 for dinner. heh.
10. What song are you listening to right now? how to save a life.
11. How's the weather right now? cloudy.
12. Last person who called you today? mich leong, asking me to go down for vday auditions.
14. Last song you sang? songs at morning worship.
15. Last time you danced? MASS DANCE! AHHHH.
16. Lost a friendship over something stupid? ermm. don't rem.
18. Last thing you ate? cookies!
19. Been really depressed before? i wouldn't know what "really depressed" means, would i?
20. Faked being sick to miss school? no. i take mcs. [:
21. What time did you wake up today? 6am.
22. Current taste? -shrugs. [:
23. What are you wearing right now? victorian challenge tee and shorts. why do such questions come out? what do you wanna hear? nothing?! -.-
24. Are you too shy to ask someone out? HAHAHAHA.
25. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? ...and it would interest you because?
26. Where are you right now? in my room.
27. What date and day is it? 100107 wednesday.
28. Did you go anywhere today? school, church, home.
29. What did you do there? go for lectures, eat, sleep? -.-
30. How old are you? 16 going on 17.
31.Are you mature / immature? i'm mature. [:
32. Do you call your parents by their first name? err no.
33. Are you an only child? nope.
34. Where do you go shopping? town.
35. Do you like where you work? you mean school? yeah.
36. Do you like books? yupp.
37. Do you want to get married? yeah.
38. To whom? ...i have no idea. really. you must believe me.
39. What side of the heart do you draw first? left side.
40. Can you dive without plugging your nose? yeah.
41. What is your blood-type? O.
42. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours? i refuse to answer such scandalous questions.
43. What is a rumor someone has spread about you? oh, lots. go figure.
44. How do you feel about carrots? ermm, okay i guess?
45. How many chairs at the dining room table? 4
46. Which is the best Spice Girl? cinnamon? HAHAHA. okay nvm.
47. Do you know what time it is? 10:09pm. OH TV! BRB.
48. Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince theme? huh.
49. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator? call someone to get me out?
50. What's your favorite kind of gum? the "dumdum i want gumgum" gum.
51. T or F : All's fair in love and war? false.
52. Do you have a crush on anyone? ...what's wrong with you.
53. Do you know how to use some words correctly? HUH.
54. Do you like to sleep? i NEED to sleep.
55. Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings? yeah.
56. Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart? YES!
57. Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang? err, why not. i can sell it.
58. What's something you've always wanted? -shrugs.
59. Do you have hairy legs? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ohmytian. wanna find out? -.-
60. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? lake.
61. Do you wear a lot of black? nope.
62. Describe your hair. LEGALLY BROWN. xD
63. Do you have Entomophobia? ooh, insect! pretty!
64. Are you an adult? nope.
65. Where is/are your best friend(s)? huh.
66. Do you have a tan? ermm, i guess.
67. Are you a television addict? nope.
68. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? i guess.
69. Are you a health freak? yeah.
70. Do you like orange juice? ermm, yeah i guess.
71. What sign are you? "caution: hot!" :D
72. Where do you wish you were right now? in bed, sleeping.
1. Who is the last person you held hands with? HAHAHAHAHA.
2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive? definitely.
4. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton? yes.
5. Have you ever won a spelling bee? yes.
7. How fast can you type? fast.
8. Are you afraid of the dark? when i was younger. stupid crime watch.
9. Eye color? no idea. different people say different things.
11. When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower? every possible time.
12. Do you knock on wood? what for?
15. Can you hoola hoop? yeah.
16. Are you good at keeping secrets? i guess.
17. What do you want for Christmas? SOMEONE OWES ME A PRESENT!!!
18. Do you know the Muffin Man? yeah. he's my ex-best friend.
19. Do you talk in your sleep? no.
20. Who wrote the book of love? ooh. nice question. i'll go with God. [:
21. Have you ever flown a kite? yeah.
23. Do you consider yourself successful? i reckon so.
24. How many people are on your contact list of your cell? HAHA MY PHONE'S GONE! i still have my other phone though.
25. Have you ever asked for a pony? no!
26. Plans for tomorrow? stone in school. boring talks.
28. Missing someone now? not really...
29. When was the last time you told someone 'I love you'? last night, though it might not necessarily be scandalous. so stop grinning.
31. How are you feeling today? sleepy.
32. Are you black? ...what?!
33. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school? yeah. i was too smart. DUH NO?
34. What are you looking forward to? friday.
35. Have you ever crawled through a window? yeah.
37. Have you ever eaten dog food? no.
38. Can you handle the truth? HAHA! KI QUESTION! OWNED.
39. Do you like green eggs and ham? no.
40. What 3 things you always bring w/ you to places? wallet, handphone, and another random object.
41. Any cool scars? i'm not harry porter.
42. Do you like or have a crush on anyone? Do they know? i like many people, and yes they know.
43. How many kids do you plan on having? 25863. whatever.
44. What do you do when no one is watching? sounds so sneaky. sleep!
45. Have you ever been in love? with God. stop asking me such questions.
46. Do you talk to yourself? yes.
47. Is there something you want that you can't have? yeah. an income of more than 20 million a year. hahahaha. nevermind.
48.Three things about the prefered sex that you first notice? PREFERRED?! not OPPOSITE?! gee. (i skirt questions like i eat ice cream. okay no link. haha.)
49.Who are you thinking about right now? hmmmm...
50. Who did you last hug? my stalker will know.
51. Where is your phone? on the table next to my laptop.
52. What was the last thing you ate? cookies.
54. what time is it right now? 10:26pm
55. What is the last movie watched? deathnote2!
56. What song do you currently hear? bad grammar. be glorified.
57. favourite colour? pink, and others.
58. Would you ever date anyone on your friends list? why not? what's wrong with going out with them? stupid implications.
59. What TV show are you watching? i would be watching a certain show which sis thinks is stupid, but i'll watch it tmr i guess.
60. When was the last time you kissed someone? HAHAHAHA.
9:55 PM
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Sunday, January 07, 2007
launch
and ignyte@pl has taken off, and i hope that the excitement and hype does not end at the beginning, but carry through into the year. there's always excitement when something new hits town, but what happens when time passes by? i hope it isn't just a fad, but really, i pray that excitement each time the youth come for fuel and service will continue burning.
it's so common these days for our passions and attentions to wane. how common is it for us to covet after the latest things on the market, and lay waste to our present possessions? i don't deny that i'm exempted from such temptations. but as i grow, i increasingly try to curb the temptation to pursue my wants, but be content with my needs.
indeed, a new year brings about many new things. new revelation and new visions must be coupled with new passion and new commitment.
a post on birthing and conceiving shall come soon, once i actually bother to take time to blog a proper post.
10:37 PM
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Tuesday, January 02, 2007
what do you see?
do i dare to dream? what do i see in ac?
i see what God wants to do. i've heard His Plan. i see promises being fulfilled, and i see the challenges that come my way. it's such a great calling. ac might be a christian school by name, but that might not be reflected in the lifestyle of the students.
ac cell.
cf outreach.
dare i dream?
no, it's not a dream. i claim it as reality, with God as my help.
10:59 PM
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Friday, December 29, 2006
how to save a life
How To Save A Life
by The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
11:14 PM
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